As you probably already know if you're reading this, I am half Japanese. Hapa, also the title of this entry, is a Hawaiian term that means half but is now generally accepted as a term towards asians to mean "half white". Though I grew up with hapa cousins, knew a few hapas in elementry school and met even more in university, I have found myself to be in a special but odd situation from a lot of these people.
A lot of the hapas I have met are either very white with a tiny bit of asian or very asian with a tiny bit of white, I seem to be a pretty solid mix where people know I am asian but there is something not exactly right about it. I'm not Hawaiian because my skin is fairly pale and I'm also not native because I just don't have the look. This leads me to the question that I dread the most in life, "So what are you?"
Growing up in an all white neighbourhood, the answer was pretty simple, "I'm irish." I accepted I was Irish, the kids I grew up with accepted I was Irish and no one really questioned it. My asian roots were neglected and I have to admit, it was on purpose. Even though I didn't know it as a kid, I think I really did it because I didn't want to be different. Other kids had roots from the British Isles, so I could identify myself with them, so I ran with it.
I guess some of the neglect could stem from the fact that race wasn't really an issue growing up. I would rather play baseball or hockey (I even took karate) and this took up a lot of my time. Growing up in the 50s and 60s, my mom lived in a completely white neighbourhood and race was a pretty serious issue; and because of the sensitive nature of the topic I think it was avoided when I was growing up. I don't really blame her either, as nice as it is to know your roots growing up I think it was really important to grow up as a Canadian and not as a minority; and for that I am greatful. With my dad, I know this is going to sound weird but I was just his son. I wasn't his half asian son, just his son. So the topic of being asian was not really talked about at home.
Then as I got older, new people entered my life and the question started to come up. The kids that I grew up with slowly faded out and the realization that I was JUST Irish slowly slipped away. "So what are you?" they'd ask; and I would reply "Well, I'm Irish..." and it would be followed by "No, seriously..." then I would have to make my big speech about my ethnic background. This is usually followed by a celebration and the exclaimation that they KNEW I wasn't 100% asian, they knew it! Good for them, gold star. And the only thing worse than that question would be the guessing game that sometimes replaced it. "Are you Chinese?" And you want to reply soooo badly "NO! You idiot, not everyone with slanted eyes is Chinese, there's a whole freakin' continent over there!" But that never came out because I was too busy trying to get this question over with and possibly move onto to a more important question, such as "What's your name?"
As I started my first year at university, the comforts of knowing a lot of people and having already been over the mixed race issue in high school vanished. All over again, people would ask "What are you?" And now the reply "Oh, cool" was used after I answered.
But when third year started, I think something in me (possibly a sign of growing up) wanted to culture myself. It mostly started on facebook where I found a group that was all about Hapas, and where I first saw the term being used. It was pretty refreshing to know that I wasn't alone in my frustrations and it really kind of made me prouder and more curious about Japanese culture. It also brought this whole hapa culture to life.
Which brings me to what sparked this blog entry. An author by the name of Kip Fulbeck (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kip_Fulbeck), who I stumbled upon well online searching for a picture to put on this blog, wrote an entire book on Hapa indentity called Half Asian, 100% Hapa (http://www.amazon.com/Part-Asian-100%-Hapa-Fulbeck/dp/0811849597/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/104-9434399-7440722?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1184344850&sr=8-1). It was based around the question "What are you?" which I know so well. It is a directory of Hapas from all over the United States that contains a profile photo of the individual and at the bottom he allowed them to write a half page answer to the question, whatever they felt like answering. He has also written a book called "Paper Bullets" (http://www.amazon.com/Paper-Bullets-Fictional-Autobiography-American/dp/0295980796/ref=pd_bbs_sr_2/104-9434399-7440722?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1184344855&sr=8-2) which is a fictional autobiography based on his experiences. I think I am going to go and buy one of those books tonight.
Take it easy.
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